Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
