can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
