I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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