she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
