i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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