sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
