If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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