I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
