I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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