She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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