I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
