Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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