I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
