I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
