oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
