my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
