He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
