the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
