he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
