The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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