you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
