nut hugger
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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