girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
