Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
