The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm always down for nudity.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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