They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
