I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
