You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
