I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
