I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize