I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
