WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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