Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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