Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
