also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
