fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it was like eating out sand paper
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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