Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
