we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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