Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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