just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
