My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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