Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
