I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
