Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dear god my vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
