I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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