There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
