Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
