Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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