haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
