I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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