just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
