last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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