i may or may not be watching the land before time
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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