And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
