I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
