Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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