We won't sleep together?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
