I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
