Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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