ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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