Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
