i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
