Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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