just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
