My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
