i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
